so i've been thinking...[part deux]

so i've been thinking about death lately.

and since i apparently have some of the smartest friends in the world (that would be you), i decided to share. again.

first of all, i know i'm gonna die. as i think we've already noted, i don't follow the social norm of my age. thus i don't think i'm invincible.

second of all, i know the truth about what happens when you die. heaven or hell. saved or not. christ or self. the choices are clear and simple.

but there are a few things that bug me.

first, the ridiculous. is it wrong to want to be cremated? i don't know about you, but i'd hate to take up space in a plot somewhere. someone asked me where people would then be able to go to remember me.
i said, "build a website."

and also: is it wrong to be secretly not really all that sad when someone you know dies? i mean, i'm speaking solely about people you know to be lovers of Christ. i'm probably the only one, but i'm just wondering.

and: can you lose your salvation? hear me out. lets say i'm saved. and i know it. but then, later, i'm not so sure. then, i die. am i doomed?

i know what some of you would say. "if you end up not being a christian, you never were one to begin with." ok. granted. but then, what if i really believed i was at first, and even for a while after that, but then began to wonder...? if this means i wasn't a christian the whole time, then how can i EVER be sure that i AM one? do you see? how can i be assured of my salvation if i'm not sure whats going to change about me tommorrow?

seems like a catch-22. you can't be sure 'til you're dead, but you don't wanna be dead 'til you're sure. conundrum.

and lets be honest here: i've lost my passion. is God ok with that? if i die in ethiopia next week, are there going to be any small print complications with the whole "book of life" thing? doesn't Christ himself say something about the lukewarm [read: dispassionate]...like "i will vomit you out of my mouth"? yes, horror of horrors, i am asking you what you think i am asking you. don't you just hate it when a guy gets honest? i know i do.

finally, on a seemingly less serious note: if i die...is it wrong to hope everybody has a party? i told allison mayhew that she's in charge of my funeral, just in case. cause i think she has the right idea. a cremation, a party, a DJ, lots of free milkshakes, and wine.
[c'mon, mom, i'm 21 now...my friends should be able to drink at my wake. or whatever.]

thanks for your thoughtful responses to part one. can't wait to see what you've got for me this time.

so i've been thinking.

so i've been thinking about passion lately.

 

how does one acquire passion? is passion something that can be attained? when someone is a "passionate person", does this mean that they were born that way, and thus will always be so, or does indicate that they have become something for a time about a certain subject?

 

i seem to remember being passionate at one time in my life.

 

i'm only 21. i'm the at the ripe age of idealism. at this point i should have stars in my eyes and dedication in my marrow. i should be wrapped up in some crusade of my generation to the point of forgetting social boundaries. whatever happened to the characters from the russian novels? i should simply oozing passion. i should wake up in the morning and blow my nose of excess passion and wipe the passion out of the corners of my eyes.

 

at the top of my Gmail screen right now is a "quote of the day" rss feed. the quote today is Robert Byrne. he said, "the purpose of life is a life of purpose."

 

how inane.

 

i mean, we know the truth. the purpose of life is glorifying God and enjoying him forever.

 

the first part is beyond our control. the second, well...how does one acquire that enjoyment?

 

how does one become passionate about God?

theres a big difference between knowing the truth and feeling it. i guess i'm wondering how you turn the first into the second.

 

any ideas?