the brilliant people think best in the morning. or so they say.

 

and the best times with God are definitely the ones spent at dawn. or so they say.

 

my chances at genius and spirituality, then, are thwarted only by a utter and complete resistance to getting out of bed before 10. sometimes later. no amount of cajoling, caffeine, or clock-setting can seem to break this practice. i am doomed to being a morning person--granting that it is a late morning.

 

but---epiphany! i have found an ingenious way to avoid the hassle of getting out of bed in the morning! i can now tackle mornings with pride, honor, and mental clarity! i am imbued with a renewed vigor and lust for life!

 

how do i do it, you may ask? what is the awesome secret that i have discovered, one that will propel me from my humble and dreary environment into one of fame and fortune and beautiful women? i will tell you.

 

be warned, it is not for everyone. not all fame-thirsty peons will be able to grasp or implement the harrowing demands that my discovery will place on them. my path is not for the weak of heart. it is not for the financially centered. it is not for those pitiable fools on the wide road of safety and comfort and basic 9 to 5 jobs. nay, friends, mine is for the adventurer! the noble! the naive--i mean, the idealist!

 

want to know my secret? of course you do, but all in due time.

 

my path overflows with benefits. normal, everyday benefits, such as:

rewarding work environment

fun people

little overhead

 

as well as some side benefits enjoyed only by those who comply:

more efficient time management

more productive work hours

less distractions

fewer interpersonal hassles

more time for friends and loved ones

more satisfaction and enjoyment of life

 

this secret path is so marvelous, we guarantee you'll love it! if you don't, just return to your normal, pathetic existence, and we'll refund you, no questions asked, the entire purchase price. we promise to not even make fun of you for doing so.

 

if you are interested in making your life actually enjoyable again, and want to have more time for loved ones and friends, and want to do those things you always dreamed of doing, then send your check or money order for 19.95* today!

 

this is a chance of a lifetime! a chance to finally do what your friends have been asking you to do for years--get a life!

 

*first of three installments. terms and conditions do apply. guarantee does not apply to residents of cuba, or anyone related to one. background check is necessary in some states. write for details.