my hero

i just to clarify that Dr. David Dockery is my hero.

 

before the soulforce thing went down, he had me and 4 other students that were planning on attending the rally into his conference room to talk about what soulforce had done at other schools and what Union's response would be.

 

Union provided them with box lunches from Heavenly Ham, paid for by private donors (no tuition dollars).

Union allowed them on campus (they didn't have to and two other schools arrested soulforce members for coming on campus).

Union provided police protection (Jacksonites can be a little "rednecky" when it comes to "gays").

Union discouraged students who just wanted to "be on tv" from attending. Dockery explicitly said that going to hear their argument was a legitimate reason for going. going to argue, however, was not.

 

whether or not the Union community will mature at all as a result of this visit remains to be seen.

 

but with a leader like Dockery in place, i think we've got a pretty good chance.

Union does not understand Christ's love

so now i'm quoted in the student newspaper, apparently giving my full support to what soulforce is doing on this campus.

 

i think that requires a little clarification.

 

i do not think that Union University should have to change its policies on homosexuality.

i do not think that SoulForce actually wants to change Union's mind, they just want conflict for the media to see.

i also do not think that anybody should be forced to accept anyone else's views.

i think Union has done a fine job handling this situation so far, and i hope that they will continue to be courteous.

 

at the same time, i am glad that this group is coming to our campus.

 

today alone i have had three conversations about this topic with other Union students. now, i've been at Union for several years, and this has never been an acceptable topic of conversation before.

 

this development is great.

 

lets be honest. everyone here has an agenda: soulforce wants to create a "media frenzy" (as a friend of mine put it), Union wants to avoid a mar on their reputation (by supporting the protesters too much or too little), certain Union students want all the protesters to just accept Christ (which they would say they have already done), other Union students want to "teach the protesters a lesson" (by throwing water balloons at them), and still others want to avoid the issue entirely. These are all legitimate agendas (though some are more mature and responsible than others).

 

i have an agenda as well. it is two-fold. first of all, i want to thank soulforce for bringing the issue up. thus, i will attend their rally and support them in that sense. i am not going to witness, i am not going to argue, i am not going to answer their questions, i am certainly not going to throw water balloons (good grief, Union...grow up), i am simply going to listen to what they have to say and thank them for coming.

 

the second part of my agenda is to take full advantage of this opportunity to TALK ABOUT THIS ISSUE. it has become increasingly obvious that Union students are, as a whole, not ready to deal with this issue outside of our walls. they don't understand it. they don't care about these people as people.

 

Union students, as a whole, do not understand the love of Christ.

 

that's my issue:

1- they'd rather throw water balloons.

2- or pull the 'evangelism' card.

3- or just avoid the issue all together.

 

and quite honestly, until they've learned to at least understand where people like SoulForce are coming from, until they've learned to handle these situations with the love of Christ and not the spirit of antagonism or fear, then i'd prefer they choose the third option.

 

so thank you, SoulForce, for forcing the issue.

thank you for revealing our true, idiotic, juvenile natures.

thanks for pointing out that we have a lot to learn about simple things like grace, and love, and Christ.

 

i'll be out there supporting you on march 18th at 4:30pm by miller tower. i'll pray for sunshine.

and i promise i won't bring any water balloons.

Approved by Student Services

Actual sign on campus:

 

 

IS COLLEGE WEIGHT GAIN

GETTING YOU DOWN???

 

for more information:

Thursday, March 9th, 2006

Outside The Library.

Drawing at 3:00.

 

FREE FOOD!

Buncha Homosexuals

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transsexuals are coming to Union's campus.

March 19th at 4:30pm at the clock tower. they're coming to protest Union's policies on homosexuality. one of their number got kicked out of Union for being a lesbian.

funny thing is, we'll all be gone on spring break.

[except me. i'm coming back, and bringing the protesters cookies, chips and drinks. anybody wanna join me?]

random awards

here's a list of random awards that i'm handing out.
cause i know some cool peeps.
feel free to steal this idea.

most "general cool points": ben bailey
most compassionate person i know: carrie jones
most number of consecutive awkward situations: brandon emerson
most emasculating nickname: brian denker
best filmmaker: aaron hardin
the "i think i'm almost smart enough to understand her" award: kony kim
apparently quiet person that's actually really loud: andy kelly
most brutally honest: lucas villalpando
most likely to laugh at absolutely every attempt i make to be serious: amy cheek
most uncannily like me: walker pfost
most boy trouble: kristen sayres
most awkward situation with a former girlfriend: kyle raines
most likely to remember my uncle's cousin's middle name: julie palmer
most likely to argue with every award listed (including this one): julie laugherty
most likely to let me puke in his car and not care: wilhelm peters
most likely to catch hypothermia: allison wyer
most likely to out-eat me: jirah cox
most genuinely interested despite buttloads of homework: robby gordon
best all-time roomie: matthew zaruba

and finally:
most likely to have the most friends in the world ever in history: jon blair

when its time...

so i've been thinking...sorry.

its time for a change.
change takes choice.
choice takes commitment.
commitment takes sacrifice.
sacrifice takes love.
love gives life.

so i've been thinking again

so i've been thinking...

that i've been thinking way too much lately.

so i've been thinking...[part deux]

so i've been thinking about death lately.

and since i apparently have some of the smartest friends in the world (that would be you), i decided to share. again.

first of all, i know i'm gonna die. as i think we've already noted, i don't follow the social norm of my age. thus i don't think i'm invincible.

second of all, i know the truth about what happens when you die. heaven or hell. saved or not. christ or self. the choices are clear and simple.

but there are a few things that bug me.

first, the ridiculous. is it wrong to want to be cremated? i don't know about you, but i'd hate to take up space in a plot somewhere. someone asked me where people would then be able to go to remember me.
i said, "build a website."

and also: is it wrong to be secretly not really all that sad when someone you know dies? i mean, i'm speaking solely about people you know to be lovers of Christ. i'm probably the only one, but i'm just wondering.

and: can you lose your salvation? hear me out. lets say i'm saved. and i know it. but then, later, i'm not so sure. then, i die. am i doomed?

i know what some of you would say. "if you end up not being a christian, you never were one to begin with." ok. granted. but then, what if i really believed i was at first, and even for a while after that, but then began to wonder...? if this means i wasn't a christian the whole time, then how can i EVER be sure that i AM one? do you see? how can i be assured of my salvation if i'm not sure whats going to change about me tommorrow?

seems like a catch-22. you can't be sure 'til you're dead, but you don't wanna be dead 'til you're sure. conundrum.

and lets be honest here: i've lost my passion. is God ok with that? if i die in ethiopia next week, are there going to be any small print complications with the whole "book of life" thing? doesn't Christ himself say something about the lukewarm [read: dispassionate]...like "i will vomit you out of my mouth"? yes, horror of horrors, i am asking you what you think i am asking you. don't you just hate it when a guy gets honest? i know i do.

finally, on a seemingly less serious note: if i die...is it wrong to hope everybody has a party? i told allison mayhew that she's in charge of my funeral, just in case. cause i think she has the right idea. a cremation, a party, a DJ, lots of free milkshakes, and wine.
[c'mon, mom, i'm 21 now...my friends should be able to drink at my wake. or whatever.]

thanks for your thoughtful responses to part one. can't wait to see what you've got for me this time.

so i've been thinking.

so i've been thinking about passion lately.

 

how does one acquire passion? is passion something that can be attained? when someone is a "passionate person", does this mean that they were born that way, and thus will always be so, or does indicate that they have become something for a time about a certain subject?

 

i seem to remember being passionate at one time in my life.

 

i'm only 21. i'm the at the ripe age of idealism. at this point i should have stars in my eyes and dedication in my marrow. i should be wrapped up in some crusade of my generation to the point of forgetting social boundaries. whatever happened to the characters from the russian novels? i should simply oozing passion. i should wake up in the morning and blow my nose of excess passion and wipe the passion out of the corners of my eyes.

 

at the top of my Gmail screen right now is a "quote of the day" rss feed. the quote today is Robert Byrne. he said, "the purpose of life is a life of purpose."

 

how inane.

 

i mean, we know the truth. the purpose of life is glorifying God and enjoying him forever.

 

the first part is beyond our control. the second, well...how does one acquire that enjoyment?

 

how does one become passionate about God?

theres a big difference between knowing the truth and feeling it. i guess i'm wondering how you turn the first into the second.

 

any ideas?

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Girl gets a name

so i finally named my dog.

i've been calling her 'girl' for a while, which approaches witty, but somehow it didn't seem to fit her well. others thought her name should be "lady" or "keeper" or "samantha joe", all of which are fine names, but again, don't really seem to fit her very well.

then i thought i would change her name to "woman". which could be funny (rather than teaching her to roll over, it would be: "woman, make me a sandwich"). but for some reason, i didn't like feeling like i was making fun of her every time i called her.

then it hit me.

her name shall be 'hollywood'.

and she'll learn to 'roll film'.

its perfect.

I've been tagged. (by thain)

The Rules    

The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a xanga entry about their own 5 weird habits and state this rule clearly.  In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be "tagged" and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "you are tagged" in their xanga and tell them to read yours.

1. i yell "BOX" whenever i'm out west and i see one of those roadside 'call boxes'
2. i jump in puddles when i'm wearing sandals.
3. i practically never step on lines...in parking lots, tiled floors, carpet pieces, whatever...i therefore hate small tiles.
4. i never completely finish these kind of things
5.

I tag....... jirah, amy , brad, tyson, and tyler.

there are a few types of people in this world that drive me crazy:

hypocrites,
liars,
and those people that hate you for having a girlfriend.

fortunately, most people aren't always these things.

and also: i have no reflexes anymore. i just get hit and don't care.

and: i really really like life. this has been, and is, the best
semester of my life.

you can't bring me down.

--ps: ILOVEBRANDONEMERSON!!!

the main characters of harry potter, schindler's list, and life is beautiful all have one thing in common.

 

they have purpose.

 

do you even know how great a treasure that is? have you asked yourself at all lately, "what's the point?"

 

i shall finish school, so i can make money, so i can spend it, and then die.

perhaps, if i am lucky, i will find a spouse and a church along the way.

this is the grand total of pretty much everybody's life.

 

this is also why these films and books sell so well. they've got what we so glaringly lack.

 

maybe entertainment isn't always about "escape from real life." maybe, just sometimes, entertainment portrays a life more real than most of us accomplish in our dreams.

maybe we've got everything all backwards. but that's a side note, and it's free.

 

"it is God who gives us purpose." right? is it not from the great storehouses of God's infinite grace and love that we draw a meaning and purpose from life?

maybe. but if God gives us the purpose, where is it?

"He will reveal it in due time."

when? what if He doesn't?

"then His purpose for our lives is not for us to know."

then this is all a matter of hoping that He may or may not decide to reveal to us a purpose that we may or may not appreciate?

"no. it is a matter of trusting that His purposes are right and good, regardless of our knowledge or appreciation."

so that's it. He promises us at least an unknowable purpose, and at best an unchosen one?

"it is not for us to question His ways. besides, He has, for the most part, made His purposes clear."

oh, you mean to go into all the world, making disciples?

"it is exactly that. and to love God and love others."

very noble.

"thank you."

but don't you ever wonder if there's something else? i mean, what if you're no good at bringing people to repentance?

"it is not you, but---"

the Holy Spirit, yeah, i know, but...look. i've been a Christian for who knows how long and i still haven't been present at a single conversion. God has not used me once.

"perhaps that is not what you are intended to achieve."

but you JUST said that that WAS His purpose exactly!!!!

"some are to plant, some are to water, some are to harvest..."

so i'm a planter.

"perhaps."

great.

"what exactly is your problem?"

it's hard to define, i suppose. i guess i wish i had a purpose that had visible results. otherwise, i feel like i'm spinning my wheels.

"i see."

and i just thought of something: if my purpose is unknowable, which you admit is possible, and i'm not to see any results from it, then how am i to know that i am doing it right?

"you'll just have to trust."

but what if i'm doing it wrong?

"you can't mess up God's purposes."

then what exactly is the POINT of having me do them? i don't get it!!

"you can't mess Him up, but you can choose not to participate."

how do i know if i'm participating if i don't know if i'm doing it right?!?

"i---um--you have to trust."

trust WHAT?!

"that you're doing it....er....that God is doing it right, through you."

that...that doesn't even make sense. all i want is a purpose. something to aim for.

"try being humble."

what?

"you're proud. admit it."

well, now, if i was proud i guess i wouldn't, would i?

"exactly."

ok, yes. i'm proud. i don't see what this has to do with anything.

"perhaps God doesn't want you to see your purpose just yet because your head would swell."

i'm sure. but aren't you just feeding my pride?

"hm?"

i mean, you tell me that God isn't telling me my purpose because it is so magnificient that it would cause me to sin unnecessarily? isn't that sort of self-defeating?

"good point. i suppose its possible that your purpose would be taken as mundane in your prideful eyes."

i suppose that may be true. but then, why hide it? why not let me in on my purpose and break me of my foolish habit?

"but He has already, don't you see?"

what?

"love God and love others. that's your purpose."

that doesn't sound like enough.

"cause you're proud. you're not harry potter, you know. or guido or schindler, or any other man of great purpose."

yeah. it is true that i'm overdramatic. i want to be noble.

"so much so that you flee greatness."

what?!

"greatness is not achieved by doing it all, or by doing it best. it is achieved by doing it for the right reasons."

so my purpose is...
"to love God and love others."

and beyond that...

"anything you want."

that's it.

"that's it."

still sounds too simple.

"God's true mystery is not in His complexity, dearest."

 

and so it goes. somehow i doubt this argument will end anytime soon.

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right

do something right for once

--relient k

who cares if you're a jack of all trades? i'd rather be a master of one.

whats the point of being "generally competent"?

you can handle anything that comes your way, but you have a hard time
being more than half-hearted.

you get good grades, but its because you remember things, not because
you're truly intelligent.

you're not *excellent* at anything--merely competent at lots of things.

and you realize your limits are so very self-imposed. the extent of
your utter laziness gnaws at the back of your mind.

you want so much more from yourself.

"don't be a perfectionist".

don't worry. i'm not.

but sometimes i feel like a waste of talent.

T R 8:00-9:15       Comm Training and Development (aBlair)

T R 10:50-12:05   Comm Law (cBlair)

T R 12:15-1:30     Data Comm/Networking (Welms)

R    6:00-8:45pm  Practical Public Relations (aBlair)

 

that's right, kids:

 

no classes on friday for the third semester in a row.

no classes on monday or wednesday, either.

pretty exciting.

 

except for the fact that these are the four hardest classes in the commArts department.

 

and: that's an awful lot of Blair, folks.

its like that moment at the top of the first hill of your first roller-coaster, just before your stomach becomes weightless as the car drops down the slope, when you're looking out over the tops of so many trees and your mom is sitting beside you screaming her head off and laughing because she knows what she's doing to your poor little stomach and she knows you're going to end up loving it and all you can do is hold on because "mom, please quit" isn't going to work and you just wish the ride was over but you can't wait to see how it all goes down and then----------.

 

lean not on your own understanding...

political science annotated bibliography - 7 hours

two chapel credits - 2.5 hours

promo dvd for work - 11 hours

computer science homework - 2 hours

political science paper - 3 hours

database homework - 2 hours

total amount of sleep - 0 hours

 

getting to go to houston on my very own personal fall break with the lovely and wonderful amy cheek...

priceless.

and its just been one of those days,
been one of those days,
every glass half full,
every drop lemonade.
just been one of those days,
one of those days,
all my worries to bed,
my faith wide awake.
hey, hey, hey,
just been one of those da - ay - ee - ay - ay - ays
just been one of those--
day - hey - heys,
thank You.

--shaun groves

[and while we're in the quoting mood, here's a cool thing someone
wrote to me recently:
"though they may justly accuse us of a multitude of sins, though they
may drag us through the mire of disrepute, or perhaps exalt us with
the praise of saints, let us not allow this: that they call us
complacent." good ol' walker pfost.]